You know what they need at the start of high school? They need to get a bunch of 24 year olds to go into the school and find the poor teenager who looks most like they looked at the same age. They need to sit down with the kid for… I want to say day but I think it would need to be a week… and set out a 5-year plan for them. For many kids, this would include things like “whatever you do, do not ever… EVER drink from the drink fountains in the upper quad” or “don’t eat so many pies, eating pies every day will not only make you a fatty but it will also cause severe bowel concerns at an age that may be embarrassing” and that would be terribly helpful information. You could have a conversation about bullying, about which kids to hang out with and that it doesn’t really matter what group you are in… AS LONG AS YOU HAVE FRIENDS. But whatever, none of that mattered for me. I got through high school just fine, made some good friends and enjoyed myself. But I tend to forget a lot of the early years…

If I could wish to have been told one thing by a 24 year old messenger it would be this:

“Do not ever in your entire life, listen to 28 Days.”

And I wouldn’t have to forget year 8. My life would be pretty much complete… but now I have this hole inside me – it’s contained now. I have some kind of Iron Man-style contraption that keeps the 28 Days shrapnel away from my vital organs, but one day it will fail, and that day… I don’t even want to know what is going to happen on that day. I may as well go ride a horse home to Perth and sob into my Holden bedspread while getting stabbed in the face with a knife by some dude with a dirty mullet while he raps to me some beautiful rhymes about checkin’ his style.

In all fairness, I was 13 and trying to make it as a cool dude in high school. I even had a skateboard. After remembering the music I listened to in my early high school years, I really wish that I had been an emo or a punk or ANYTHING other than a gross bogan douche. Because that’s exactly what this music makes me out to be AND THAT IS NOT WHO I AM. And, as much as my girlfriend will tell you otherwise, I wasn’t a gross bogan, I was just trying to fit in.

The argument against 3D films can be rather convincing, but I think that it largely misses the point. I see 3D as just another tool in the filmmakers belt, a creative decision that directors can make to build their creative vision. 3D is not for everyone, but it’s no different to any visual decision made for any film. But that is where my issue with the re-release of Beauty & the Beast lies – 3D is a creative decision to be made while making the film. I believe that once a film has been released, that should be it, it’s done, complete and everyone moves onto the next thing.

Beauty & the Beast 3D isn’t bad, it just didn’t need to be made.

The parallels between this and something like the original Star Wars trilogy is obvious. There is no need to get caught up in new technology to try and make something better – make something new, damnit! Like the Star Wars films, Beauty & The Beast is still that amazing film it was back in 1991, but the additions don’t do anything to enhance the experience, and in fact they weaken the original vision.

But lets get into the film, and the changes that have been made (I won’t even touch on the other big issue with the film – the altered prologue), and I can report that it isn’t all bad… just mostly. The 3D isn’t too evident for about 50% of the film, take off your glasses and you can tell. The most obvious 3D sections are outdoor shots where there is a lot of movement through buildings and trees, and the effect is quite convincing some of the time. Unfortunately though, most of the longer movement shots don’t look that nice – they too often look like layers of paper moving backwards and forwards. If you have seen an animatic, or the video production at the recent Pixar exhibitions, you will understand what I mean. It looks cheap and doesn’t do anything to pull you into the animation in the way that the recent Pixar films have used 3D, for example. You can feel that something has been added that maybe shouldn’t be there.

And that good thing I was talking about? The waltz scene! I have a feeling that this 3D conversion was green-lighted because of this scene alone. Famous for being one of the first uses of computer 3D animation in a feature film, this part of the film didn’t feel like anything was forced into a 3D machine. Truly, it is quite spectacular.

Would I recommend Beauty & The Beast in 3D? Yes, for two reasons. Firstly, the waltz scene is worth the price of admission (and yes, I know how dumb that sounds after my first paragraph up there) and the second is that it is probably going to be the only way for many people to be able to see this film in cinemas again – or for the first time. It was great seeing a cinema full of young kids experiencing such a classic film in this setting, even if it did have 3D cobbled on top of it.

BOO!

It has been a while, and I’m not going to apologise or explain anything. I just want you to know that I am back, and this isn’t going to be just a blog about crap because with my two hits a week, I kind of realised that no one enjoyed reading what I had to say.

So now things will be a little more focussed. I may use some bigger words. Even maybe my favourite animation word, zoetrope. Or the larger word zoetropes! Being completely honest, I watch too many movies… but really not enough. I’m going to talk about them, as well as things that surround them… like theme parks. I love theme parks. I also love Disney, so yeah, expect a lot of talk about Disney. Maybe about 80% even.

But we will soon see where this will all go. I will mainly be posting short posts but when I actually have something interesting to talk about I’ll make them a bit longer and stick them in the features page. And without further ado, let me begin…